105. This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. Thats just common sense! ~ (George Carlin). Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Ironic that political wings have come to fight over claiming Carlins humor for their own affiliations when his comedy career was a controversial compilation of his own bold assessments and ruthless truths that could offend anyone and everyone on a given topic with neither prejudice nor remorse. If you enjoyed these quotes, you may also like "26 Voltaire Quotes Everyone Should Read Today", by Libertarian Country Now I feel better. ~ (George Carlin). ", "Did you ever notice who it is? The legendary George Carlin reminded us to think deeply but to make sure we take time to laugh and never take ourselves too seriously. George Carlin Quotes I put a dollar in a change machine. Maher was raised a Catholic (but has a Jewish mother). ", "Selling is legal. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded. ~ (George Carlin). 16. 94. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. But once youre born, youre on your own. I hate groups of people. Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~ (George Carlin). WebGovernments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to 97. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Never argue with an idiot. 54. And why would it be America out of all the countries? Life is a near-death experience. ~ (George Carlin). They're anti-woman. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, Monday Motivation: 36 Powerful Quotes to Jump-Start the Beginning of Your Week, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. I dont vote. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, his distinctive and provocative style of speeches, aimed at ridiculing the vices of the American society, redefined the genre and influenced a great number of comics.He started his career in the radio and in nightclub acts before his breakout in a variety of television shows that made him a popular household name. WebThis is the best we can do folks. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? When you die, it all stays here. See more ideas about george carlin, carlin, quotes. They own you. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~ (George Carlin). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. As for me, Ill be home on that day, doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, Im going to have a little something to show for it folks. You know what they ought to do with churches? The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate. Trump's latest attack addresses DeSantis' overseas trips to the U.K., Israel, Florida's Covid-19 record, and polling support for the 2024 Presidential race. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life They should be giving their money to you. quotes May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. As for the poor, they tell us theyve If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. ~ (George Carlin). It will not be with jack-boots. Maybe its because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni! I have as much authority as the Pope. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. Ill let Carlin tell you what he thinks. They will do anything for the unborn. The [], The 4th President of the United States was an American statesman, diplomat, and Founding Father. Im fu*kin serious! ~ (George Carlin). If at first you dont succeed, redefine success. ~ (George Carlin). We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. ~ (George Carlin). Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? 66. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin took a liberal stance on most things, but generally found politics and politicians corrupt and ridiculous. God has. I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. The people are fucked. Heres all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. ~ (George Carlin). '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Its because volunteers work for no pay. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. People are wonderful. So I don't trust none of them.". Unfortunately, many progressives and today's so-called "social justice warriors" have reduced Carlin to an "antiquated, patriarchal white male oppressor. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Web"The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept" - George Carlin Vote 3 comments Add a Comment Slartibartfast39 2 hr. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. And fight songs. WebAmerican stand-up comedian George Carlin is notable for his long-standing popularity from the early 60s up until his death in 2008. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ~ (George Carlin). 63. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. Teach them to question everything. Love, was the kind of person you could hang out with and [], Slim and soft-spoken, endearingly warm and witty, with an enviable knack for captivating the interest of his audiences during his [], How can a sickly boy, suffering from asthma, rickets and rheumatic fever, transform himself into an accomplished gymnast, a wrestler [], With his simple, unpretentious writing style, characterized by an unfiltered, punchy honesty and violent and sexual imagery, Bukowski managed to [], Born in 1910 in Hall, Indiana, John Robert Wooden, aka the Wizard of Westwood, was an American basketball player and [], Short Funny George Carlin Quotes that will make you Laugh, Best George Carlin Quotes to make you Laugh and Think Out of the Box, Insightful George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government, Inspirational George Carlin Quotes on Life, Society and People, Provocative George Carlin Quotes on Religion that will Remind you there is a Funny Side of God, 80 Woody Allen Quotes About Missing Your Own Funeral and Other Life Stories, 60+ Edgar Allan Poe Quotes to Take You on a Mystery Ride, 51 Elvis Presley Quotes About the Essence of Life and Rock n Roll, 50 Harvey Milk Quotes To Help Us Never Silence Hope, 44 Astonishing Mary Astell Quotes that Spoke of Gender Equality Earlier Than You Think, 50 Unconventional Quotes From Future About Love And Life, 70 Pertinent James Madison Quotes That Can Still Inspire a Better State, 60 Powerful Led Zeppelin Quotes About Love, Life And Death, 65 Exceptional Ruth Bader Ginsburg Quotes About The Fight For Justice, 70 Ariana Grande Quotes That Will Inspire You And Make You Fall In Love, Best 90 George Orwell Quotes on the Danger of Oppression, 75 Jane Austen Quotes on the Truth of Love, The Best Eckhart Tolle Quotes About Now & Being, 70 Karl Marx Quotes to Form Conscience on Social Issues, 60+ Alexander The Great Quotes on the Idea of an Empire, 99 Leonardo Da Vinci Quotes About Knowledge, Art and Inspiration, 50+ Motivational Leo Buscaglia Quotes on Living and Learning, 100+ Yuval Noah Harari Quotes About the World Today, 70+ Joseph Pilates Quotes About the Pilates Method and Your Bodys Potential, 66 Gritty Charles Bukowski Quotes for Restless Souls, 110 John Wooden Quotes to Help You Coach Yourself. 101. Tweet. George Carlin The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Every religion is by all means to be respected but the role of the Churches is debatable. I had an imaginary friend I didnt bother with him. ~ (George Carlin). Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. The people are f***ed. 121. ", When we think of dictators, we think about other countries. 1. Perhaps those who can really claim him as one of their own are the commoners, we the people, caught in the chaos. George Carlin was a stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. Then youre just what theyre looking for. No president has done right by us. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights. ~ (George Carlin). Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? This is the best we can do folks. 108. "Hmm? I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? ", "Have you ever wondered whyRepublicansare so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Religion is just mind control. ~ (George Carlin). - Susan Polis Schutz -- "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." What if I want to have a crappy day? ~ (George Carlin). The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. This made him outstanding. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 57. Here, we bring you 27 of the best George Carlin quotes of all time. Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. ~ (George Carlin). The people are fucked. 83. You don't. Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ~ (George Carlin). Religion is like a pair of shoes. 78. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ~ (George Carlin). We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes - YouTube George Carlin was way ahead of his time. I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on metheyre cramming for their final exam. 120. Dont give your money to the church. The challenge is to find it. 77. 60. 110. 33. It can help you a lot. Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. ~ (George Carlin). And I didnt really care in the first place. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Why? The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. ~ (George Carlin). As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. My mother would say, Why are you always playing alone? And I would say, Im not playin, Ma. 62. Maher is a liberal who has endorsed at least the last two Democratic presidential candidates. According to Carlin, religion is one of humanitys greatest swindles and created nothing but lies, conflict, and suffering. Some people see the glass half full. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). ', 'The planet is fine. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Ioanna Zafeiriou He won several Grammy awards and was posthumously honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. So maybe maybe MAYBE, its not the politicians who suck. Everybody says they suck. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ (George Carlin). And they will readily admit to being awkward: Im such a klutz! But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver. ~ (George Carlin). The new kid in a high school with a thousand other teenagers. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. I just dont have as many people who believe it., "I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. Copyright Twitchy.com/Salem Media. They've got you by the balls. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ~ (George Carlin). Swimming is not a sport. Never argue with an idiot. Deal with it. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. So, have a little fun. Lean and mean! At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. They don't like women. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. Its because volunteers work for no pay. George Carlin Featured in: George Carlin Quotes Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. George Carlin George Carlin Quotes 500 WALLPAPERS 8,907 POINTS Seneca Quotes And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f*** things up this badly. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. Maybe this time itll work. The people are fucked. It presents itself as ", "You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. ~ (George Carlin). Well where do people think these politicians come from? If this is the best God can do, Im not impressed. ~ (George Carlin). If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. ~ (George Carlin). 13. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. He was raised an Irish Catholic, even an alter boy, and attended a Catholic school until the age of 15, when he dropped out of school.[1]. People like to twist that around. Teach them to question everything. Report 48 points POST Looking at you religion. 25. Though some of these people have always been fans, his social commentary and political criticisms have found new meaning--and a new home--among the right.Though the right-wing and left-wing have "claimed" George Carlin as one of their own heroes, his allegiance was always to himself (another great libertarian tenet), and wasn't going to shill for anyone.If Carlin was ever a hero, it was always for the individual, the rebel, the outcast. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Religion. Who in fact did not even leave the house on election-day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done, and have every RIGHT to complain as loud as I want, about the mess YOU created, that I had nothing to do with. '", "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. 70+ George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in 72. Somebodys wasting their fucking time. 1. "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is The [], Characterized by a direct and lucid prose, uncluttered from literary devices that seek to please or entertain, George Orwell, was [], How many possible words and phrases are there to express love and romance? My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. ~ (George Carlin). He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. Read these short quotes by the renowned comedian to make you smile while seeing things from a different perspective. 92. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Many libertarians--such as us--praise Carlin for his intelligent social criticisms and contributions to a countercultural ethos that perpetually challenges political orthodoxy. Last Updated: 29th April, 2023 14:09 IST International Dance Day 2023: WhatsApp Messages, Wishes, Greetings, Quotes To Share Celebrate International Dance Day 2023 on April 29 by sending WhatsApp messages, wishes, greetings and quotes to those whose passion is dancing. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ (George Carlin). I think that speaks for itself. They will do anything for the unborn. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? George Carlin was way ahead of his time. 116. Theres no present. Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels by Libertarian Country. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. Praise for George Carlin's social and political criticisms and his contributions to a 96. 5. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~ (George Carlin). In America, anyone can become president. Keep 'em showing up at those 'jobs. Indeed, George Carlin was in a class of his own, however this would only be half the story. 81. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. ~ (George Carlin). Two reasons. 37. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? George Carlin had a lot to say, and we were always ready to listen. George Carlin Quotes 26. Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. ago Electricity is really just organized lightning. I have lots of ideas. It creates a hostile work environment. ~ (George Carlin). He described himself thus: "Im a rude dude, but Im the real deal. Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did. ~ (George Carlin). 28. Now theres one thing you might have noticed i dont complain about: politicians. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ (George Carlin). When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? ~ (George Carlin). If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him.

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